In Which Another Plan is Created

Dear Diary,

Chantel. I thought Vincent’s name stirred my mind and heart at the same time. Chantel was the first real friend I had here. Vincent was my boyfriend. Chantel was my best friend. She knew about composing and Brown and the truth about Clarissa and why I did what I did. And she didn’t tell me to piss off. She helped me cure Vincent. She was there for mom’s funeral.

But since mom’s death we had drifted. It was my own fault. I couldn’t trust her anymore, not really, not after what had happened with Leanne. It made me think she would stab me in the back just to get an advantage. And the way she could convince people of anything if it had even a note of truth in scared me.

In the bathroom I told her what I wanted from her. That I wanted the bracelet. I wanted it to bring Jack back from the dead. Not my mom, Jack. Jack was the real family I had and he was the one whose death had been the most horrible. And he was a ghost. I had been trying to avoid him for so long because I was terrified if I spoke to him he’d disappear or something bad would happen to him. Everything I’ve become and been part of goes to hell when I get involved. It was safest to not let people know about Jack.

And then I told Chantel and she said yes. She agreed. We were going to give Leanne the bracelet and then turn Leanne mortal, so she couldn’t do anything with it. I wanted to cry. It meant so much to me that Chantel was willing to help. I had been so wrong about her. She was just as lost and confused as I am. I should’ve been a better friend. I promise I will be from now on.

She gave me the bracelet and we left the diner to see another fight breaking out in the parking lot. I couldn’t help but sigh. I was tired of Vincent being an idiot. And as he spoke he continued to just bark at people, like a yappy dog nipping at people’s heels. Then his mind reached out to mine. I could feel it, unrefined and harsh prodding, like his power was new. I’m not sure why, but I struck him. I yelled at him. He had to stay out of my head. And then his power backfired and he flew backwards out of my range.

I grabbed Caleb and Chantel and Israel and the new girl, Eve, and we left. I was done. I had what I needed and a plan. But then Caleb’s pack showed up and he nodded to them before he took off. I had a bad feeling about what was happening and part of me wanted to go with him to protect him. It isn’t my job really to keep him safe. He’s a werewolf. He can keep himself safe, but I wanted to. My own feelings worried me as I got in the car. I looked at Chantel.

Then she said we should go to school and get something of Caleb’s. To stop him from hurting people. I sighed. And agreed.

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In Which A Rescue is a Waste

Dear Diary,

Caleb and I got in my car and raced to wherever the hell Vincent’s text said he was. My heart was racing and yet I felt strangely calm. I knew Natalie wouldn’t hurt him and he was likely over reacting, but that itching rage inside of me was pushing against the human. It wanted out. It wanted me to pull over and stab Caleb repeatedly, to kill Chantel, to destroy Ardath. It wanted to hunt the supernaturals around me and make bloody scenes of their death.

I had to concentrate to be able to drive. I’m not sure what’s happening to me, but I know I need to fight it. Maybe this is what they mean by the curse of the Hunter. Maybe I should have read the back of the cereal box before opening it and searching for its prize. But I didn’t and now I have the deadly weapons and power and these urges. I wonder if this is what serial killers feel like, the compulsion to kill battling within them for control.

As we arrived I took a deep breath, only to breathe in Caleb’s scent. Wild and woodsy, that hint of his beast within beneath the carefully groomed boy sitting beside me. I’ve become so used to his eyes on me that it doesn’t surprise me anymore when I see him gazing at me. I almost like it. There’s a kindness in him I haven’t seen in anyone else. I trust him. Honestly, I didn’t think I could trust someone again. But things are changing.

The house was fantastic to see as we pulled up. In quiet unison we got out of our vehicles and approached, only to see Vincent run outside from one of the buildings. I couldn’t help it. Bile rose in my throat as I saw him and yet my heart gave a jump. Would it ever feel normal to see him? He looked panicked and a girl walked behind him. And then he started barking orders. Same old Vincent.

The girl turned out to be a new girl named Eve. Or Galatea. Or something. We call her Eve. She’s strange in a weird way. I’m guessing home schooled but I’m not really sure. But she definitely seems to not understand high school. Or people. I’m going to guess she isn’t human, given the company she and her dad keep, but I can’t make judgment calls.

We left Natalie’s estate and went to a burger joint up the road. There Chantel and I left the arguing boys to go to the bathroom and I asked her about the bracelet and told her that Leanne wanted it. She reacted a lot better than I thought she would. Instead of being pissed she said she wanted to come up with a plan to make Leanne a mortal. And I said yes.

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In Which The Fae Makes an Offer

Dear Diary,

The strangest thing happened as I went back to class. Leanne walked up to me. She pointedly said that I didn’t like her. I agreed. Whatever. It’s better that she knows where we stand. I don’t want her here but I can’t stop her, so I guess I have to live with her.

And then she started talking about Chantel. Like Chantel’s changes. I didn’t really know what had happened with her, and to be honest, I hadn’t even asked. I felt a pang of guilt as I realized I had left her behind. I didn’t want to. I missed her. Things had just become so absorbing that I forgot other people had a life. Poor Chantel. Shit was getting so awful for her.

I ignored my initial impulse to walk away and go ask Chantel what had been happening and kept watching Leanne. And then I called her on her shit with what she did to Israel. She said coming back from the dead has a price. I stared at her. I could bring Jack back. The thing I had been working on the most in the back of my head.

I had thought of blowing the last bit of dust on him, but I figured that would just banish him. I wanted him back. The one thing I wanted, more than anything, and she could give it to me. If I submitted to her torture. I wasn’t sure I would survive though.

So I asked if there was another way. And sure enough, if I get that bracelet from Chantel I could do it. She would do it. Jack would come back. I couldn’t help but say yes. I didn’t want to be alone anymore and I knew Jack shouldn’t have died. So I made a deal with her. Some hunter I’m shaping up to be.

And then we went to class. As we all sat there, a text came from Israel saying Vincent was in trouble. Almost in unison we stood and left the class. Stupid idiot got himself in trouble with his mother. Well, I guess Natalie was a problem now. I guess it was time to try slaying a vampire.

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In Which The Bitch Hits Back

Dear Diary,

I tried to approach today like the new me I said was going to be. I wasn’t going to put up with Vincent’s shit anymore. I wasn’t going to overthink what I’m doing with Caleb. I’m just going to go with the flow. I’m going to move like water, stop resisting everything, and learn to live in the moment. Because anything else will kill me.

And then today happened. I was getting to school when I saw Vincent walking over to the car where Caleb and some of the guys were. They were talking, which really is never good, and then suddenly Caleb went flying out of the car through the window. Vincent was galring down at him. What the fuck has he done now? What did he do? Go bargain for more powers?

The insurmountable rage inside of me began to boil the surface and I found myself suddenly there and involved. I struck out and punched Vincent. That new found power ran through me and I knew I had hurt him. The problem was, I felt good about it. Something inside of me began to blossom and the rage increased. I think it was my own surprise at myself that stopped me from hitting him again and again. But I wanted to. I wanted to push him to the ground and smash his head against the pavement. Fuck. I think I wanted to kill him.

I stood listening to the meeting about what had happened. Vincent tried to blame Caleb. Like he does. Like he always did. Blame someone else. I Shut him down and then he walked off in a saddened state. Chantel had told him the truth. I wasn’t interested in rehashing it. Fuck this. I’m done with this drama. Caleb said thanks for defending him and I shrugged. I didn’t want to commit to anything. But being around him quiets the rage inside of me.

Chantel said Vincent can’t hurt anyone anymore. Pieces of the necklace I gave her were all over the ground. There was a brief moment when I wanted to cry. I swallowed hard and moved on. I was too busy focusing the rage inside of me to let the necklace bother me. It was official then. That life was over. Time to move on.

Turns out Sasha, the girl Caleb was apparently trying to kidnap (he’s such an idiot sometimes), was the daughter of someone connected to Natalie and the old bitch was spying on us all. I didn’t get what difference that made, since Natalie was mostly harmless and if she wanted to kill us, she could. So why bother worrying about it? There was nothing she could learn that would be harmful.

So we decided to go to class.

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In Which Smoke May Mean Fire

Dear Diary,

Sleep is a lot like love. It’s all at once or not at all, unavoidable, and pisses me off to no end. I can’t get Vincent out of my head. I can’t stop thinking about the way Caleb looks at me, the way he touches me. I know he’s being comforting but there’s something beneath it all that scares me. I never sleep in anymore. Just like I swear I’ll never love again.

But with every breath I find myself exhausted and wanting to fall into the warmth of sleep with another. With Vincent? With Caleb? I don’t know anymore. The two of them confuse me. Even forgetting me seems to not be enough to keep Vincent away from me. He wants to know me again. Wants to go out and do things together. Like it will ever be that simple again.

Dad’s never home anymore. He’s in the middle of switching hospitals and transferring patients is taking longer than he’d like. At least that’s what he says. I think he hates looking at me. I remind him of everything he’s lost, including the life that he fucked up. I’m the daughter who maybe looks too much like her mother. That’s what Uncle Chase said at the funeral. That I look so much like her.

I was about to try to sleep and stop staring out the window when a call came on my phone. It was Vincent. It was also almost three in the morning. I thought it must’ve been important, you know? Why else call at this hour? So I answered it. He asked to meet up. And I said yes. I don’t know why I said yes, just that I did. I wanted to see him. I wanted to fall into his arms and tell him I was sorry for everything. Even though I knew I couldn’t.

We met at the school. I couldn’t help but watch the fairy ring from a distance and keep watching I’m always afraid something will come out of there I waited in my car until he showed up and then he started to ask questions. Questions about what he had done and what we were and how I was involved and that I owed him answers.

I told him I didn’t owe him anything. That he could blow in the wind. He had to figure shit out on his own and I wasn’t going to help him because of everything he had done to me. I was saying it so he would go away and stop talking to me, but at some point, I knew I was believing my own words. I don’t owe Vincent anything. I don’t owe any of them anything. What I’ve become is my own doing. But it means I can’t blame them either.

After he left I lit a cigarette and cried for the girl I wasn’t anymore. I didn’t know who or what I was now, but there was no going back. And it was time to embrace that. It's time to be Robin again.

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