In Which I've Learned to Waltz

Dear Diary,

A decade. That's how long it took me to come back here and read about what a fucking useless person I was. There's nothing like reading your old bullshit and realizing "Fuck, I was one hell of a teenage tragedy trope." Maybe this doesn't happen to everyone. And maybe I'm still bitter about it all. Ten years isn't long enough to get over any of it.

Boston is a shit hole of a supernatural city. I've carved out a small space, a place where assholes won't bother me. Not since the last time one of them broke into the apartment and a great big mess was made. That hasn't happened in awhile.

I don't know why I'm writing in here again. Maybe because my spidey-sense is tingling and I can feel that some fucked up shit is headed my way in a way I can't explain, or maybe because therapy told me that writing shit down can help. Never helped before, mostly. It did make me feel less alone.

It was 3 am when this latest adventure started. I mean, it started a decade ago, but let's not talk about what happened between Samael and now. Let's pretend I'm just an average hunter in Boston going to med school and there's nothing complicated going on at all with me. Thanks. I appreciate it.

3 AM. Curtis, my roommate and sometimes, well, fuck buddy, called me because he had an elaborate version of a bad dream. I grabbed the truck and we headed to the random location that his quest box appeared at. Maeve (local fae bitch) was there, bleeding out on the ground, along with another hunter I've heard of in passing. We're very rare. So we hear of each other pretty easily.

Half an hour later we were in the hospital and Maeve was making me promise I'd come back. Derek, a local human whose ass I saved a month or so ago, is one of the nurses there. He was tending to her and the hunter, keeping them out of the lime light of the ER. And well, he's pretty flirtatious. I mean, I assume he is. It takes someone with balls of steel to flirt with me now-a-days. And he did. Maybe it's just because he's human.

Anyways, that outstanding weirdness aside, I got a text from Merov, a playboy millionaire. Normally I'd say fuck it and let Batman sort his own shit out. But he keeps giving me the weapons I need to kill bad shit in the city, and really, you can't ignore when your sugar daddy (ew, no, not like that) sends out an SOS on his phone. Before Curtis could stop me, I promised Maeve I'd be back and off I went.

The penthouse was in flames. Tenzin was coming out of the building. He's a scam-artist kinda-wizard with a penchant for demon troubles. Troubles I regularly help him with. The little fucker was running the fuck away from the scene. Not surprising, but really? C'mon.

Merov was on top of the opposite building, threatening somebody or something. I couldn't really see. He seemed to have everything in hand. Really I just took out the fuckers that were running away. Rule 25: Never leave survivors. I mean, in theory you want people to know you're a badass. You don't need survivors to share that story. You just need gore. And remains. There wasn't time to make a scene, so the vamps bit it with the bow. Fish in a barrel.

Batman wandered down with a rocket launcher and told me the Amber Vamps needed us to pay a visit. We argued briefly about this, mostly because I don't take sidekicks and Merov wanted to be a side kick. He pretty much pushed until it was either I kick his pretty ass or I let him go with me. I didn't want the Amber Vamps to have time to prepare. And Merov had the rocket launcher. So he got in the truck and off we went.

The Amber Vamps are (well... were) lead by Sultan Kazzam, an incompetent asshat of a vampire who annoys the fuck out of me. I'm pretty sure he thinks he's a showcased magician based on how he dresses, but I guess immortality rots the brain. I've yet to meet a clever vampire who lived.

On our way Curtis called. God love him. He's always trying to save everyone. Everyone. Good, bad, the dudes with the guns. Doesn't matter. He wants peace. Badly enough he's willing to throw himself into the middle of danger to do it. I guess there were kidnap victims or hostages or something with the Amber Vamps and he was gonna get them out. I told him to hurry up. I had no idea what was going to happen and I couldn't lower my guard to worry about a bunch of humans. Worst hunter ever right? I'm no Buffy.

The warehouse was a great target for the rocket launcher. I got out of the truck and grabbed it to start loading. Merov started talking about going in there and saying hi. It's like he actually doesn't understand battle strategy. Rule Number 8: Shoot first. Shoot everything. No questions. There's no need to announce yourself when you have a rocket launcher. Even the vamps knew how to use it on Merov.

Another argument later I'm walking towards the warehouse with my holy knives and a pretty pissed off look on my face. Why the fuck Merov wants to say hi before we slaughter these assholes, I don't even know. Probably some sick rich boy fantasy. Whatever. Let him get his ya-yas off if that's what it takes. Stupid asshat. I called Curtis and put the phone in my pocket. It was time to dance.

A head rolls as we walk in. Guard vamp. Remember, Rule Number 13: No one gets out alive. Merov called out Kazzam. Except he called out everyone. He said some shit and the vamps threw themselves on the ground in fucking terror. I kinda looked at him, wondering what the fuck he was playing at, when Kazzam ran the fuck away.

I went after him. Arrowed his head to a board and then brought him back. The weirdo vamp Merov had brought with us, the one had interrogated on the roof top, who, turned out, Merov had promised a cure to in exchange for help, began to stab the body. I cut his head off. Cure delivered.

Curtis arrived with Maeve and the hostages. I guess blowing the building up would've killed them. I wanted to kill the rest of the Amber Vamps, wipe out the nest, but Curtis and Merov wanted to go. It's important to have the appropriate amount of alcohol after a kill. Curtis knew this well. And Merov invited us to his place.

Turns out his cottage is a mansion a short flight away by helicopter. Rich people. I suddenly remembered Curtis mentioning a dude who took him on a helicopter and the wicked weekend they had. Must've been Merov. Gross. But whatever gets my roomie off, I guess.

Merov. He played me. The entire ride to his 'cottage' I could feel the anger brewing inside me. He had used me as effectively as I would've threatened someone with a rocket launcher. I was there to be his meat. The weapon. To make his reputation. All those times he'd ask me questions after a hunt on his balcony, it was just to get him where he needed to get. He had started a dangerous game and I had opened the door to him.

That was ending. Now.

Listen

In Which The Mortal Returns

Dear Diary,

Jack was back. Leanne was being brought down by my friends. Israel was going to talk to Vincent. And Vincent was done with me. He had seen to that when he broke into my home and I nearly killed him. Bile rose in my throat when I even thought about it. My fingers ached to wrap around his neck and snap it.

My brother watched me, pale and afraid, and I knew I would do anything to protect him. I had no idea how I would ever make this world look normal to him, to explain everything that happened, if I could tell him the truth about mom. Mom. My heart suddenly ached. I hadn’t looked back since that day, and hadn’t bothered to think of the repercussions. Now Jack was looking at me and I knew I’d have to answer him eventually.

And get him enrolled in school. And explain to dad where the hell he had come from. My head began to swim with all the work ahead of me. If Samael was around, I probably would’ve asked him. He had made the most bizarre things happen for Vincent. But there was one other person I knew who could make the past disappear and could make new students who were strange suddenly have a student number. I’d need to talk to Natalie.

I was about to dial her number when I heard Caleb approach. He saw Jack and smiled in a way that I knew meant he was happy for me more than anything. It made my heart hurt a little. He only wanted what was best for me and I had been taking advantage of him the entire time. Something about him just makes me feel safer.

He introduced himself to Jack and then said it was good to see my happy. I wiped away the tears from my cheeks and walked down and hugged him. He was warm and real and I suddenly felt the emotion coming from him. I could have drowned in it. He mentioned something about smelling guilty and I felt my anxiety rise. I didn’t want to talk about it. Not now. And not with Caleb. Not with anyone.

For once I just wanted to feel normal and loved and safe. I hadn’t felt any of those things in so long. Jack made some joke about leaving us alone. I told him to get in the house and not to let anyone in. Not anyone. To lock all the doors and only let me in. I couldn’t imagine losing him again, and so many things had tried to kill me in such a short time here.

Then Caleb and I went for a walk in the woods. It wasn’t long before I kissed him and I stopped fighting the needs inside me. The animalistic hate and rage mixed with lust and the need to just be a girl with a boy again. I just wanted to feel something other than the hate and he would give me that. That I used him for that, that I used his caring for me to get what I wanted… disgusts me. But I don’t know if I can stop. I felt alive again in a way I hadn’t in a long time. I felt almost human.

Listen

In Which A Boy's Life Reforms

Dear Diary,

Everything I’ve ever thought or felt about this life is in this diary. You hold everything. Literally everything. And Vincent’s journal held all of his past life. Part of me wanted to protect him from the truth, to hide what he was from him. He didn’t need to know everything. He just needed basics. And that he should stay away from me.

It took all my control not to choke him. But I couldn’t help but hit him. He always wanted me to be stronger, to be capable, to be a girl who wasn’t afraid. Well, I was her now, and he was the thing that went bump in the night. He tried to distract me, tell me my mom was alive. Hell, he even tried to hand me a card with a phone number to call to talk to her. I lost it. How dare he talk about her? I had told him when I broke up with him that if he came near my family I'd kill him. Threats were useless unless you meant them. And I knew I had meant it.

I just kept hitting him. I knew Leanne was just smiling and watching. She had probably planned this, but for some reason Vincent didn’t fight back. Tears slid down my face. I wanted to scream at him, but the sounds just stayed inside. Then something snapped inside of him and his demeanor changed. He turned and left, leaving the journals behind. I knew I had triggered something dark but I didn’t care. If I saw him again I would probably end up killing him. I didn’t want to. But I wasn’t sure I could control myself.

Then I turned to Leanne and asked her if she would bring my brother back. She asked for the bracelet first and I said no, not until Jack was back and human. Human was key. And then she shrugged and did it, just like that. Jack opened the door and walked outside like he had never left. My tears of rage became tears of relief. He was back. I had done it. Everything I had worked so hard for had paid off, finally. Something had gone right.

I ran and hugged him and tried to answer his questions as best I could. I told him mom was gone. But dad was still here. That we lived in Canada. I have no idea what it’ll mean that Jack’s back, but I don’t care. I gave Leanne her stupid bracelet and let her go to Chantel, where I knew a trap was waiting. I wasn’t going to go. I needed to stay with Jack. I need to protect him. I need to make sure he has a normal life now. There was so much to tell and not to tell. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I needed to talk to Chantel.

I sent her a text and then saw Israel drive by. I called him and we had an argument about Vincent’s journal. I finally agreed and handed him Vincent’s old journal. It’s on Israel then. He can be the one to answer for it all. I’m not responsible anymore. I’m not that Robin. I’m not that girl. I’m a new person now and she’s done with all this. It’s time to take care of my family and do whatever necessary to keep them safe. I can’t keep failing them.

Listen

In Which A Ghost Becomes a Friend

Dear Diary,

There’s always something eerie about school at night. By the time we got back into the city it was night. Chantel and I headed to the school. I kept texting Caleb but never got a response. Despite how I tried to show him I didn’t care, I was worried. Natalie was there. He had talked about how much he hated her and vampires in general. But Natalie was powerful and controlled her own house. It wasn’t as simple as Caleb thought. He just wouldn’t listen to me.

As we walked up to Caleb’s locker and Chantel tried to open it, Eve kept asking what we were doing. I tried to explain but I couldn’t really put it into words. How do you explain that he’s a werewolf and, like Vincent, too eager to hit things. I wonder what she’d say. She’d already seen me hit Vincent. I had to stop hurting him, but he just made me so angry every time I saw him. All I see is Samael, the grinning demon, welcoming me home to a broken place. I should’ve burnt the house down. But then where would Jack have gone?

Then Nate approached us. Chantel and I both knew he was a ghost, but seemed to both ask him leading questions. Eventually I decided to bite the bullet and just ask him questions, and then mentioned that Leanne could bring people back to life. We agreed to help him come back to life, after all, he’d been trapped at the school a long time. I wanted to help him. I wanted him to be normal, just like I wanted everyone to just be normal.

Finally Chantel decided we didn’t need the item of Caleb’s after I said he could be in trouble and Eve tried to break the locker open only to find she wasn’t quite that strong. Well, at least she’s human. Which means she needs to not be around us. I couldn’t help but sigh and then we decided to summon Leanne. All Chantel had to do was think about her and she was there. I told her I had my part of the deal and took her hand and we were gone.

I arrived at my house, hand in hand with Leanne, just in time to see Vincent coming down my walkway with my journal and his journal in his hands.

Listen