Dear Diary,
Things have been quiet.
Intense, in a way, but also quiet. Sure, Ardath is still creepy but also kinda
charming in his own weird way. Chantel is still something ancient but also
interesting and pretty awesome. Israel is still a fallen angel but is also a
kind and well meaning guy. And Vincent, well, he's still owned by some weird
dragon god but, well, I think I might be falling in love with him.
I know, I know. How can I
think this is safe at all? But he didn't seem to talk to Samael at all during
the holidays, and he's been endlessly sweet. The necklace he got me was
gorgeous. I wish I had gotten him something nearly as sweet. I just told him I
was working on something but hadn't finished it. Honestly, I've been working on
a composition for him. Yeah, sentimental, I know. But it just seems that buying
things always goes poorly. Besides, he doesn't seem to have anyone who cares
about him, and I really want to show him that I do. That someone actually cares
what he does and when he does it.
But living with him, seeing
how sad he always looks, how exhausted... well, it's intense. We're alone most
of the time, and every time we're alone it's tempting to just forget that we're
waiting, that we're taking things slow and not moving too fast. So after
chatting with Chantel about it, she pretty much declared we were going on a
testosterone free weekend, tossed my stuff in her car, and we took off.
Besides seeing some of the
craziest shows Vegas had to offer, we spent a fair bit of time in the car
talking about what all had happened, people we were into (or not), our plans
(or lack of) for the future, and what we wanted to do with our lives. She gave
me some good food for thoughts, like ditching my application to Yale in favour
of a music degree in composition from Brown. Brown. The school for hippies and
people with dreads. The last thing my parents really wanted for me. Besides,
it's likely if I keep my GPA up I can get in on early acceptance to Yale.
But going to Brown would
mean turning down a future as a doctor. Maybe redoing everything I've been working
for, even when shit got bad with Dad last year, I still managed to keep my
marks up. I've worked so hard for this. Then again, I'm dating a man whose
future holds his wife's death and then his own will be consumed once his tattoo
grows. I keep trying to look at my brand, trying to see if it's morphing. I
don't really know what it means, why he did it. I just know I'm afraid to ask
too many questions.
I did figure out that
Chantel is pretty awesome. She's insightful, pretty blunt, and kind of hilarious
without meaning to be. I'm not sure she really thought my prank on Loki was
okay, but she had a lot to say about him that made me feel less like a bitch
for what I did. Relieved my guilt a little, I guess. Now if only I could stop
worrying about Vincent. Chantel had some great ideas on how to get rid of
Samael. Binding him to a human being, kinda like she is in a way, and then
getting rid of that person. I just don't hate anyone that much.
I've been toying with the
idea of calling that Leanne chick. Or Red Cap. I can't say I know much about
them, other than I've been told to stay away. But Ardath was something
different before he got into that car with Leanne, and now he's... well,
sparkly? Stupid I know, but he just burns a little brighter than he used to.
Either Leanne or Red Cap must have some idea on how to get Samael off of
Vincent. I know I'll have to pay a heavy price, but to get Samael's fingers out
of Vincent would be worth it.
I haven't told Chantel
about the idea to talk to Leanne. I'm fairly sure if I went to anyone they'd
freak the fuck out. Except Ardath. I'm pretty sure he'd understand where I'm
coming from, even if it means I'd owe him a favour or something. Lately he
likes to add "Promise?" to the end of agreements, like Red Cap. Much
like his knowing smile, or the way it feels like he's already half undressed
you when he looks in your eyes, it's unnerving.
Soon I'll figure something
out. Vegas was a fantastic time. I can't say I've drank that much in awhile. Or
laughed so much. Or forgot that the world sucked for so long. I trust Chantel,
even if she is some weird ancient demon thingy. I know I can count on her.
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