Dear Diary,
As I left the hospital and
my old life behind I ran into Caleb. I haven’t really figured out what he
wants, what he keeps doing around me. All I can think is that he’s got my scent
and keeps tracking me. How well I’ve adapted. This is somehow a normal thought
to me. I don’t know if he sensed the change in me, but he stopped and asked how
I was. It was the stupidest question in the world, but to my own credit, I
didn’t cry. I simply told him where I had to go and asked if he’d come with me.
Without Vincent around, I
felt oddly vulnerable. With a troll, a red cap, and Leanne somewhere out there,
I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to be alone after I had just left
Samael and Vincent behind. I didn’t want to be alone with my mother dying in
the hospital. I didn’t want to be alone.
So we got in the car and
drove to the weird book store I had seen downtown a few times. Once inside, I
looked at the witchcraft section before just going to the owner and asking if
he had any books on stopping supernatural creatures. Without any subtlety he
mentioned that there was a werewolf in the room. I said Caleb was with me. He
then handed me a pair of gold handcuffs and told Caleb to wear them. I said if
he wanted me to trust him, he’d wear them. And he did. It made me want to cry,
like most things, but I simply thanked him and got on with it.
Then the owner, I’m
guessing named Elliott since it’s Elliott’s books, found a book for me and
handed it to me. He asked me to call him at least once a week to let him know I
was still alive. I guess it’s self destructive but I don’t care. I need to
know. I need to stop them all. I need to make them realize how awful every
thing they are doing is. I need to save them from themselves.
My mind was still racing. I
guess I was still on an adrenaline high from all the shit that had happened
that day when a knock came to the door. It was Israel. Looking inside like he
had never seen a bookstore before. Elliott unlocked the door and Chantel,
Israel, and Tobias walked in. I stared moved towards the back of store, not
able to understand how Chantel had come back and not let me know. Or how Israel
wasn’t in jail and hadn’t called either. I didn’t know how my two best friends
could be out looking at books while my life had ended. I wanted to hurt them. I
wanted to scream and yell and cry and just let myself fall apart.
They saw Caleb and then saw
me. Elliott talked to Chantel, he forgave her for what she had done sixteen
years ago. For the way she had hurt and destroyed him. It took her sixteen
years to apologize for it. The darkness inside of me seemed to get larger, to
start filling the holes my friends were leaving inside of me. Tobias
started floating and I realized she had done something. She had used him to
transfer power or to free herself of something. She had turned a mortal into
another tool of her own. Anger burned so deep inside of me. I knew I was done
with them. And that Israel had something to do with it was horrible.
Finally I confronted her
and asked about the book. She didn’t have any good explanation, other than she
needed it and had made a deal with Leanne to get it. Obviously Leanne was part
of all of it. How else would Tobias end up with weird powers? And then Israel
mentioned something about them all together. Then giggled. They were obviously
high and apparently all of them had had a threesome. Probably some weird
fucking ritual.
I yelled at Israel for
being part of this stupid magic that Chantel was part of. I yelled at Chantel
for leaving me in the fae realm and never looking back because it was just part
of her stupid plan. And then I knew I couldn’t do more. I knew I was empty and
had nothing left. I was shaking. My hands clutching the book were cold and
pale, just like my skin. Nothing would ever be the same. Everything I had
believed about them had been a lie.
Before any of them could
say anything, I got Caleb uncuffed and then walked out with the book. I
couldn’t look at them. I couldn’t even begin to think about what they were
talking about. My outside hurt from everything that had happened. My insides
ached from the pain that everyone I had cared for had inflicted on me in the
last two days.
But I had a book that would
tell me everything. A book that would let me fight back for once. To do exactly
what Vincent’s mom said I should do. I was done being another play thing of the
supernatural. I was ready to hit back. To stop being moved about as a chest
piece, to be ignore or hurt at their amusement. I was done being that girl.
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