In Which The Human Lashes Out

Dear Diary,

They (the non-humans I surround myself with) figured out a plan to go after Mr. S. So I returned the phones to the rugby team and Vincent came with. After we returned the phones, the lights went out in the boy’s locker room, and we told Dean to get away from it but he ran inside instead. I don’t know why, but I ran after him, and of course Vincent came after me.

Then there was a scream, the lights came back on, and Dean was on the ground dead. I tried doing CPR on him, but he was creepily cold and seemed like he’d been dead for hours. I couldn’t believe it. Vincent called 9-1-1 and they showed up, but I don’t know what will happen. If Dean is what I think he is, I’m not sure he’ll stay dead, or how he’ll explain that tomorrow.

I sent a message to Nate anyways, telling him that Dean had died at school. And even though they were friends, he didn’t say anything. Just a “Thanks for letting me know.” I mean, how weird is that? Wouldn’t you normally ask how or what happened or something?

Then we went back to the others who said they saw a darkness outside. Israel brought that kid Caleb with him. Everyone seemed okay with this, even though we know nothing about him. I guess it’s okay to just tell every human in sight what’s going on. I mean, I found out, so everyone else should be okay, right? I don’t think it’s a good idea. I think we should talk to as few people as possible, try to protect everyone else from this mess.

Tobias had helped Chantel break into Mr. S’ phone and found a bunch of creepy photos. I’m not sure what they were expecting, but now they have the proof they need to bring him down. And after all, if he’s another dark thing shouldn’t he be brought down? I don’t know what to think anymore. There’s weird stuff everywhere, and I’m just as tangled in it all, some how.

Vincent kept insisting he could get us in anywhere, including Mr. S’ loft, but Israel and I tried to convince him that constantly turning to Samael is a bad idea. Ardath said he could get us in then, which I don’t trust but can’t argue with if it means leaving Samael out of the picture. Then someone said they knew Mr. S was in a club. So that’s where we went.

After changing we went to the club and we knew Mr. S was upstairs in the VIP lounge. Vincent ordered us some wine, but I kept feeling this tug, like something was pulling me up the stairs. I excused myself to go to the bathroom but went up the staircase and felt something grab hold of me instantly, something invisible and almost like a weird power.

Then everyone was up there. There was a weird cult that was chanting and my friends began to yell at them. Something gripped us all, a spell I guess, and people began to change. Israel became his angel of wraith. The new guy, Caleb, became a fucking wolf-man. Vincent got that dark look in his eyes when he’s talking to Samael. Ardath became a little more beautiful, a little darker, and had a strange look on his face. But Chantel seemed to stay the same, seemed to hold on to something.

They were yelling, and I tried to tell them to stop but then something snapped inside. I realized that it didn’t matter what I did. That they were monsters and I wasn’t anything they were ever going to listen to. It was fine to pretend to be human, but when ever something wasn’t going their way, they were evil at the core and this was when it was showing. I couldn’t be there anymore. I just… couldn’t watch them destroy themselves and others again and again.

So I ran away. I was about to call the cops when a woman in a red dress offered me a car ride in a limo. I said yes, because fuck it, what difference did it make!? The woman then dropped a bomb on me. She was Vincent’s mom. Vincent’s dead mother. I said that Vincent said she had died. And then she smiled and showed me her fangs and said she had. I just couldn’t keep doing this. So like an idiot I jumped from the car.

Finally I got hold of the cops and they were on their way. Then I called the only person I knew could help: Robin Red Cap. I asked him to make everyone normal. To make them stop being monsters. I couldn’t watch them keep doing this! I just… can’t watch Vincent keep selling himself or Israel keep doing things that make him hurt so much later. He said he could. He said to meet him. And I’m going to.

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In Which The Science Teacher is Evil

Dear Diary,

Today started like any other normal day. Chantel and I were going to school together. Vincent said he'd meet us there, along with Israel. With March Break done (which is what they call it here), it seemed like things were off to a good start. Until I arrived to school and saw Israel punching a tree like it were a test dummy. I guess Meg and Trish asked him if he had killed Loki, he got flustered, walked away and proceeded to punch a tree.

I managed to convince him to stop. We talked a bit about how we're dealing with Loki's death and started going to class when Ardath jumped out of the tree. I'm not really sure what he's become since before Christmas, but he's definitely different. I'm guessing Red Cap or Leanne had something to do with it, but I haven't had a chance to ask him much. That and I found a video on my phone when I finally found it in a drawer in the house.

Of course, I'm not gonna toss it in his face. I mean, he fucked my mom. That just means I'm going to have to find a way to destroy him. And since no one seems to particularly like him it can't be that hard, right? I know, I know. After that talk I had with Chantel about trying to let old habits die hard, I shouldn't really go after him. But something happened in that room with my mom, besides the obvious, and since she seems to be pretending none of it ever happened, I gotta figure it out on my own.

He made some snide comments and then we all went to class, which apparently means we all sit in a group like friends. It seems to make Mrs. R a little uncomfortable, but that could also just be the way Ardath tends to look at her. That unnerving thing he does? Well, he has a full force of it on the english teacher.

At lunch Chantel asked us all to meet her in the broadcast room where it was explained that Mr. Scott, the science teacher, was in fact something more than human. He had turned some russian mafia guys into dust. Also, it turns out Vincent's stepmom was sleeping with someone from the mafia, and so of course Vincent is involved. Nice of him to never mention that.

By this point, Vincent still hadn't shown up for school, despite texting him repeatedly. I can't believe he didn't show up. I know he has a lot going on, but I'm not sure how he expects to have much of a future for himself if he doesn't try. No school is going to be willing to ignore a low GPA. And I know it doesn't seem super important, given there are demons and angels and fairies, but it will when he leaves this hell hole behind.

A plan was hatched to try to get proof that Mr. S was more than just a coach and science teacher, and Chantel and I wandered into the boy's locker room (while they were changing) to get everyone's phones. She's so good at talking to people. And they did it. They gave their phones over. It was enough time for Ardath to grab Mr. S' phone and for us to get the hell out of there. Of course Israel was there, talking to a kid named Caleb I'd never really noticed before. Israel didn't really understand he was supposed to cover up.

The phones only revealed that Dean, one of the rugby players, is actually undead. Killed by Nate, another rugby player, who seems to have been dead for a couple decades and just no one noticed. Vincent showed up, finally, for practice, and said he could get us into Mr. S' condo. He didn't say how, which means it's through Samael. And suddenly it felt like everything we had worked on at Christmas just went down the drain. Maybe he just doesn't understand that Samael can't be trusted, or just used whenever. Maybe he just doesn't care.

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In Which Spontaneity Gains Allies

Dear Diary,

Things have been quiet. Intense, in a way, but also quiet. Sure, Ardath is still creepy but also kinda charming in his own weird way. Chantel is still something ancient but also interesting and pretty awesome. Israel is still a fallen angel but is also a kind and well meaning guy. And Vincent, well, he's still owned by some weird dragon god but, well, I think I might be falling in love with him.

I know, I know. How can I think this is safe at all? But he didn't seem to talk to Samael at all during the holidays, and he's been endlessly sweet. The necklace he got me was gorgeous. I wish I had gotten him something nearly as sweet. I just told him I was working on something but hadn't finished it. Honestly, I've been working on a composition for him. Yeah, sentimental, I know. But it just seems that buying things always goes poorly. Besides, he doesn't seem to have anyone who cares about him, and I really want to show him that I do. That someone actually cares what he does and when he does it.

But living with him, seeing how sad he always looks, how exhausted... well, it's intense. We're alone most of the time, and every time we're alone it's tempting to just forget that we're waiting, that we're taking things slow and not moving too fast. So after chatting with Chantel about it, she pretty much declared we were going on a testosterone free weekend, tossed my stuff in her car, and we took off.

Besides seeing some of the craziest shows Vegas had to offer, we spent a fair bit of time in the car talking about what all had happened, people we were into (or not), our plans (or lack of) for the future, and what we wanted to do with our lives. She gave me some good food for thoughts, like ditching my application to Yale in favour of a music degree in composition from Brown. Brown. The school for hippies and people with dreads. The last thing my parents really wanted for me. Besides, it's likely if I keep my GPA up I can get in on early acceptance to Yale.

But going to Brown would mean turning down a future as a doctor. Maybe redoing everything I've been working for, even when shit got bad with Dad last year, I still managed to keep my marks up. I've worked so hard for this. Then again, I'm dating a man whose future holds his wife's death and then his own will be consumed once his tattoo grows. I keep trying to look at my brand, trying to see if it's morphing. I don't really know what it means, why he did it. I just know I'm afraid to ask too many questions.

I did figure out that Chantel is pretty awesome. She's insightful, pretty blunt, and kind of hilarious without meaning to be. I'm not sure she really thought my prank on Loki was okay, but she had a lot to say about him that made me feel less like a bitch for what I did. Relieved my guilt a little, I guess. Now if only I could stop worrying about Vincent. Chantel had some great ideas on how to get rid of Samael. Binding him to a human being, kinda like she is in a way, and then getting rid of that person. I just don't hate anyone that much.

I've been toying with the idea of calling that Leanne chick. Or Red Cap. I can't say I know much about them, other than I've been told to stay away. But Ardath was something different before he got into that car with Leanne, and now he's... well, sparkly? Stupid I know, but he just burns a little brighter than he used to. Either Leanne or Red Cap must have some idea on how to get Samael off of Vincent. I know I'll have to pay a heavy price, but to get Samael's fingers out of Vincent would be worth it.

I haven't told Chantel about the idea to talk to Leanne. I'm fairly sure if I went to anyone they'd freak the fuck out. Except Ardath. I'm pretty sure he'd understand where I'm coming from, even if it means I'd owe him a favour or something. Lately he likes to add "Promise?" to the end of agreements, like Red Cap. Much like his knowing smile, or the way it feels like he's already half undressed you when he looks in your eyes, it's unnerving.

Soon I'll figure something out. Vegas was a fantastic time. I can't say I've drank that much in awhile. Or laughed so much. Or forgot that the world sucked for so long. I trust Chantel, even if she is some weird ancient demon thingy. I know I can count on her.

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In Which Love Creeps Up

Dear Santa,

Alright. You caught me. I may have said some pretty rotten things to you last time we talked, but I had no idea this is what you'd bring me for the holidays. I figured with Mom and Dad gone and just Vincent around, things might get a little awkward. Maybe he wouldn't actually like me. Maybe he'd be so busy with all the things happening in his life that we'd pass like ghosts through the halls of the freshly painted house. Maybe I'd be too boring, too ordinary.

Nothing really special had ever happened to me until I moved here. Even then, I think if I had just kept my head down and avoided these guys I would have been fine. I could have just been Robin Winthorpe. I could've just been a new transfer student and waited out the novelty of that. Too little, too late. Hindsight is great that way.

But what better way to forget your woes then to run away from everything with your crush? I can't remember if it was my idea or Vincent's, but at the time, it seemed like the best one. Just leave everything behind. It was so much like my parent's idea to move here, and with them gone, really I saw no reason not to go. His family, or rather, he had a cabin somewhere cold, snowy, and with plenty of slopes to ski on. So without anyone but ourselves, we went.

I wish I could encourage gossip, but we talked about it and it's really just better if there isn't gossip. So let's just say we talked--a lot. About our pasts, about what we want to do with our lives, about our families. He cooked. We went skiing. It's the first time I've ever really felt like I could talk to someone without having to worry that I might say the wrong thing. Especially with the way he looks at me. He seems so afraid that something'll happen to me, that I'll crack under the pressure of the world he's dragged me into.

You can't really say you know someone to the point of fully knowing all their secrets, because everyone has a past and everyone has things they don't want you to know, stuff they're not proud of. But I think we're getting there. I trust him. I guess I really meant it when I said yes to that question he asked me. It seems like a life time ago all that happened. But they say everything happens for a reason so I have to believe he's that reason.

I'm not really sure how to reassure him. But I will say it was the nicest Christmas I've had since I was little. There was a simple dinner that he made. I played some music. And we didn't talk about Samael, or Loki, or Israel, or Chantel, or Robin Red Cap. None of them came up. It was everything I could have wanted, with lots of tense moments we tried to laugh away or push aside. I guess it's inevitable, but I just think we should wait. Wait until we need to be reminded of how amazing the world can be. And with school starting soon again, I guess that might be sooner than planned.

Either way, Santa, thanks. I really have to say you knocked this one out of the park. And even if my life is never normal again, because let's face it, being with Vincent pretty much guarantees that my life will never, ever be average, I think it's worth it. Guess I'm ready to leap, feet first, and fall into the rabbit hole. Too many mixed metaphors?

Merry Christmas

- Robin

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In Which Guilt Becomes Suffocating

Dear Diary,

Ever since I was branded, the dreams haven't stopped. I wake up with my hands tight on the sheets and breathing heavily, as though I've been running, like dogs do sometimes when asleep. Vincent said the brand would keep me safe. He said he'd protect me, but even he can't drown out my dreams. Nothing can.

As the holiday comes nearer and nearer, I keep finding myself walking at stupid hours of the day to the church that Vincent, Israel, and Chantelle took me to. I don't even mean to go there, but it's better than staying at home, feeling the guilt on my skin like sweat. It doesn't matter how many showers I take, the feeling doesn't ever go away. And I swear there's a faint smell of blood in the air.

Israel is lost. I think we all are. You can't have this many powerful beings in one place and not have some sort of confusion. They're all just trying, it seems, to stay in control. I honestly think Chantelle is trying to keep everyone safe. I mean, she sent the spiders away and came to protect me, some human she didn't even know, from Loki and Robin.

Who does that for someone they haven't even met yet? She said she's somewhat responsible for driving Loki over the edge. He's the one I see in all my dreams. The sword slicing through him. The anger in his voice. The rage in his movement. It's too bad, with all this power around, you can't find a way to go back in time and stop what happened. I'm really not sure if I'll ever stop dreaming about it.

But Israel understands. I think he has the dreams to. I know he does. He's said so on more than one occasion. I'm not really sure that I believe in God anymore than I used to. Even with Israel being a fallen angel and all. The way he talks doesn't really encourage belief. It's just not a question I had ever really thought about. It's clear that there must be some sort of God, but what kind of father lets all this happen?

Vincent is sweet. But he looks at me like he's waiting for me to break. I'm not really sure how to convince him I'll be okay because I can't tell myself that. Maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow everything will be fine. I'll smile, I'll laugh, and I'll try to wake up without terror in my eyes.

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