In Which The Mortal Returns

Dear Diary,

Jack was back. Leanne was being brought down by my friends. Israel was going to talk to Vincent. And Vincent was done with me. He had seen to that when he broke into my home and I nearly killed him. Bile rose in my throat when I even thought about it. My fingers ached to wrap around his neck and snap it.

My brother watched me, pale and afraid, and I knew I would do anything to protect him. I had no idea how I would ever make this world look normal to him, to explain everything that happened, if I could tell him the truth about mom. Mom. My heart suddenly ached. I hadn’t looked back since that day, and hadn’t bothered to think of the repercussions. Now Jack was looking at me and I knew I’d have to answer him eventually.

And get him enrolled in school. And explain to dad where the hell he had come from. My head began to swim with all the work ahead of me. If Samael was around, I probably would’ve asked him. He had made the most bizarre things happen for Vincent. But there was one other person I knew who could make the past disappear and could make new students who were strange suddenly have a student number. I’d need to talk to Natalie.

I was about to dial her number when I heard Caleb approach. He saw Jack and smiled in a way that I knew meant he was happy for me more than anything. It made my heart hurt a little. He only wanted what was best for me and I had been taking advantage of him the entire time. Something about him just makes me feel safer.

He introduced himself to Jack and then said it was good to see my happy. I wiped away the tears from my cheeks and walked down and hugged him. He was warm and real and I suddenly felt the emotion coming from him. I could have drowned in it. He mentioned something about smelling guilty and I felt my anxiety rise. I didn’t want to talk about it. Not now. And not with Caleb. Not with anyone.

For once I just wanted to feel normal and loved and safe. I hadn’t felt any of those things in so long. Jack made some joke about leaving us alone. I told him to get in the house and not to let anyone in. Not anyone. To lock all the doors and only let me in. I couldn’t imagine losing him again, and so many things had tried to kill me in such a short time here.

Then Caleb and I went for a walk in the woods. It wasn’t long before I kissed him and I stopped fighting the needs inside me. The animalistic hate and rage mixed with lust and the need to just be a girl with a boy again. I just wanted to feel something other than the hate and he would give me that. That I used him for that, that I used his caring for me to get what I wanted… disgusts me. But I don’t know if I can stop. I felt alive again in a way I hadn’t in a long time. I felt almost human.

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