In Which the Mummy Shoots Me Down

Dear Diary,

My heart still stung from giving the necklace to Chantel. Part of me, I don’t really know why, wanted to hurt her, wanted to show her that she wasn’t as in control as she thought. Part of this was her always thinking she could talk a situation to be like what she wants it to. I don’t know. Maybe it’s that rage inside me. Maybe it’s that she took Huntstone into herself. I don’t know anymore.

I looked for Ardath and found him playing with instruments in music class. I can’t say I miss going to class. But it’s interesting to see him attending. I always kind of figured him for the disinterested type. Anyways, I asked him to talk to me after class, and he did.

That’s when I asked him to help me kill Leanne. She wasn’t supposed to be here and she’d done nothing but make all of our lives harder. And I knew he had once wanted her gone. But he just looked at me, laughed, and told me to let it go. Told me to get over it. That he had learned that things were worth forgetting about, and Leanne was one of those.

Something about him seemed different. Every since we made Vincent normal again. Not that I’ve seen him much, I mean, we’ve never really talked or gotten along, but I thought I would find an ally in him in terms of taking out Leanne. But I didn’t. I must’ve looked a little shell shocked, because I certainly felt that way, and then I did something I never really do. I insulted him, told him he was weak. And I believed myself. What’s wrong with me?

I was so pissed. I stormed off and walked into the school to get shit from my locker. Some of the TNT people I had made Robin gather showed and asked me some questions. Somehow, they think I know what I’m doing. I don’t. I have no idea what truths to tell them or how to help them. I just want to. I don’t want them to end up like me. Why Robin is actually helping… well I don’t know.

Then I ran into Israel. He looked pissed off too. One thing I love about him is he usually feels the same way I do. Maybe a bit differently and for different reasons, but he always seems to be a mirror. We’re both sad at the same time, or happy, or hopeless. He’s a good friend to have at the end of the world. We chatted about what was pissing him off. Apparently Chantel. And Leanne.

I smiled and asked him to kill Leanne with me. I didn’t even need to give reasons. He just agreed. There was a moment when I felt things shifting a little, like somehow Israel and I, who had always been more of the good ones were becoming something new and awful. The hunger in me for destruction and anger, to release it all, stirred and I nodded. This was going to happen.

Listen