In Which The Past Bites Back

Dear Diary,

I’ve never felt so alone before. I’m still friends with Chantel. Especially after she explained what happened with Tobias. I guess it wasn’t her fault, I can’t really blame her for what she herself didn’t do. But our friendship isn’t really the same anymore. It’s changed. I don’t trust her like I used to, even though I want to. But there’s this rotten sickness in my stomach that makes me feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore.

I’ve been keeping an eye on Vincent. I want to make sure Samael is gone for good. That Vincent can keep on going in this world. I know I barely am. Every day I wake up, I feel like I would’ve rather never opened my eyes. It just seems like any drive I had disappeared when Vincent didn’t remember me, when I didn’t need this power I killed for.

When I was watching him after school the other day he came up and spoke to me. It was awkward and awful and I couldn’t look at him. I still can’t. All I see is him with that stupid knife. He asked me out for coffee. God. How can I do this? How can I not be in his life when all my instincts keep screaming to run to him and have him hold me?

I told him to stay out of my life and left. I’ll have to be more careful in the future. I need to show him that I can’t be with him. That he’s not welcome in my world. I don’t know how. I guess I’ll just need to be with someone, anyone, just so he’ll back off. It can’t be Caleb, though, because he’s friends with Vincent. Fuck. What the hell am I writing? This is just crazy. It’s all so messed up.

And it’s all my fault.

Listen