In Which a Purpose is Found

Dear Diary,

I got out of bed for the first time in a few days today. Sure, I keep missing school, but no one’s really said anything. I mean what could they say? No one cares if I miss a class or not. My dad doesn’t even answer the school’s calls. I keep thinking I’ll show up and be sent to detention, but so far, no one’s even asked or blinked about what I’m doing.

I went to school today. When people asked how I was, I ignored them and kept going on. Why would anyone ask? They don’t care. They don’t want to know the answer. It’s just better not to answer. But Mr. Erasmus says that it’s normal. I was sent to see him my second week back to school. He’s trying to focus me. To tell me to find something new to focus on, something I can push myself with.

Every day I stare at myself in the mirror and just see someone hollow and empty. There’s nothing inside there anymore. Maybe it’s why I don’t really care that nothing will be right ever again. It’s my own doing. Might as well kiss the devil and let the world end, right? Does it really matter if people will get hurt? If the supernatural continue to run this town?

Chantel says it does. I’m not convinced but I guess she probably knows better than me. She keeps talking about getting people together and making sure things stay in order. I nod and make noise in the right place, but I think she’s still doing things ass backwards. You can’t fuck Leanne one day and then scold the other monsters the next.

Mr. Erasus told me to get involved in a student group since I had dropped out of volleyball and everything else I was involved in. I had one more year to make my application look great. He said a student group would help Mom would want me to go somewhere good. Like Yale. That dream that’s so far away.

So I took his advice. Today I’m going to school. Today I begin the process of starting my Christian youth group: Teens Need Truth. It’s not what it seems and that’s fine. It’s for people like me. People who’ve seen the truth and can’t be alone anymore. I’ll teach them what I can, keep an eye on them, know who to protect from things that go bump in the night.

And then there’s Vincent. I’ve been keeping an eye on him when I’m at school. I go to his practices and watch from the bleachers while I study the book Elliot gave me. I’m supposed to call him. To check in. But I’m done checking in with people. I’m done with playing by the rules of someone else’s game.

Listen