Dear Diary,
I watched as the day disappeared into
the night. The night. I used to love walking around the city with my friends,
laughing, drinking, flirting. We’d stop at clubs, never get carded, get served,
play truth or dare, make out with random guys or girls, and have one hell of
night. The next day we’d get to school, gossip about who was the most recent
victim of one our pranks, and smile at our boyfriends. Sure, we were vapid and
horrible, but we were happy and we weren’t killing people.
It all ended when Dad started using
drugs. I guess that’s what he was doing. It’s not uncommon for doctors to be
users. All that stress. But it tore my family to shit. I lost my friends. I
lost my boyfriend. I lost everything. And then Jack, my brother, killed
himself. I had refused to go with him to see Dad that night. He wanted to make
Dad stop. To beg him to stop. I told him Dad wasn’t worth it. He went anyways.
And killed himself that night. He had even called me before hand but I didn’t
pick up because I was so pissed with him.
I’ve never really forgave myself for
that. And now, based on what happened at the house and from the video Ardath
put on my phone, I guess I can’t deny that his ghost is living in the house. He
seems to mostly be haunting my mom. Will he haunt me now if she dies?
Night. Now that things are so
different, I can’t help but be afraid of the dark. I can’t help but wonder at
what’s watching me from the shadows. I feel like in every mirror Samael’s going
to be there. I’ve never seen him, but I feel like it’s just a matter of time. I
can’t wait to meet him. He tugs on that darkest part of me I try to keep
hidden. I always tell myself it’s curiosity, just wanting to know the unknown,
but is that all it is?
I sighed as I heard the first sounds of
Vincent waking up. There weren’t any stars left in the sky. Not in this town.
Not in Manhattan either. This was a world without light. His head turned to the
side. His hands moved making the soft sound of metal on metal ring throughout
the room. The monitor beeped impassively, not phased by anything he could do. I
blinked and looked away from the window. I was steeling myself. I had to say
the things I never wanted to say in the next few minutes.
Tears threatened to spill. They always
did with Vincent. It was just another thing today that I had to do. It was just
another boy I had to hurt, right? It wasn’t anything special. It wasn’t the
romance of the century. My skin didn’t burn for him. My heart didn’t ache when
we weren’t together. It wasn’t like we had talked for hours and had made love
in a way I had never felt before. It wasn’t epic. I kept telling myself these
things. It wasn’t worth clinging to like a spider in the wind.
His eyes opened and my heart broke, but
I wouldn’t let it show on my face. Immediately he looked around, panicked and
torn. Memories were no doubt coming back to him. I knew somewhere in the room
Samael was there, watching, wondering what would happen. Ours was his favourite
drama show right now. He had stabbed my mother to drive me away from Vincent.
He had won. I was giving in. I was hoisting the white flag. My heart was too
broken to fight anymore.
Then he began to speak. He was starting
to tell me exactly what I knew he was going to say. That I was the reason he
had made a worst deal. That he was sorry. That I should’ve known. That he had
to keep his promise to me. My mind flashed to what I had written in the letter
and I just shook my head and told him to stop. “I won’t be your scapegoat
anymore, Vincent” I said.
And then I said the words I had tried
to say in my head over and over again since I had sat in the chair by his bed.
“We’re over. I’m done. Stay away from my family or I’ll kill you.”
And then I walked away from
the last person I loved.
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